Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
