Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
