but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
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Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize