you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
