I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
