My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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