she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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