she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
