so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
