I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
