dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
