I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
