We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
