I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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