Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
