Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
