How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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