you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
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Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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