you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
