I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
