Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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