I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
