We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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