my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the day after is always just damage control
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
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New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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