Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
