Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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