I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
