This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
