just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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