i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
