I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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