So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
