i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
