Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
