My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
