just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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