and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
