After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
