so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
