apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
