I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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