If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
