first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
