Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
