I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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