i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
did i just pee glitter
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
