OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
