Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
