It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
