you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
