you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
