I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
