Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
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we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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