i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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