Me too!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
