i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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