is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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