I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
