the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
