She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
