I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
