I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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