The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
