So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
