What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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