I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
