I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize