he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
