What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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