There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
