Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
