i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
