lets start a swedish sibling band together
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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