just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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