i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
