put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
MIDGETS
????
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
