Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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