new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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