I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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