Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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