hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
