This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
