my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
