He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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