OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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