Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
