I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
